Randhir: From boy to man

Jaage

2008-08-17T03:55:00.000-07:00

For those who want to add some value to their lives.

A while ago I read a quote that moved me in so many different ways. I read alone late one night while returning from work in the train.

" Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous ? Actually, who are you not to be ? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all ment to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. " - Marianne Williamson

Life for me is ever evolving truly. I don't know which direction or form it takes. You really can never tell. That old saying about being careful for what you wish cos you might just get it ! is certainly true and I always have a feeling that there's plenty more for me in the box. Infact it scares me.

I could be a gentle child and stay put in my place and live a standard life, slowly acquiring material objects and mowing the lawn of my red brick house on weekends but some how I know that will never exist within me, I have a curse. I am never fulfilled. I am envious of those who have it all worked out. The brick house, while picket fence, home loan, etc.

My arms are short yet I reach for things way beyond me and I cry until God pulls them down from the shelf and hands it to me. My greatest lesson so far this year has been the importance of family. I have realized the part they play in my life. So many of us take family without appreciation. Yet they are the people that are there for you unwillingly, forever.

I hope God stays with me forever.

Wake up Randhir Singh
Awake !

Yaad duvaya

2008-07-22T05:02:00.000-07:00

I am reluctant to grasp change...will I loose out this time ? I do not know.
Has Mr Randhir Singh really bitten off more than he can chew this time ?
Questions.
Questions.
Questions fill up my mind.
They fill up the empty voids in my brain.
I do not know if I my heart can deliver this time in this zindagi.

Yaad duvaya.
- Randhir

Deep Valleys

2008-07-01T04:35:00.000-07:00

Here we go.

Fingers typing without cause.
Heart weeps without sorrow.
Blood flows without pressure.

The car hurdles down the road alone, grunting as it makes its way along long dark roads. It follows a strange ghost around bends and deep corners.

I change the gear and feel the engine summon up more power from its core. The fuel pump spins quicker as it pumps precious petrol into engine. I hear the turbo beginning to hiss as it sucks up that crisp cold mountain air.

I get the same feeling as I have gotten before. The awaiting of ecstasy just before she gives me what I want.

I change gear yet again as I begin to feel this beautiful machine rise up and break out of its shell. She's spinning at an enormous 7000rpm and I get the strange feeling that the engine is trying to break out of its enchanted cage. My veins pulsate with adrenaline my heart pumping this drug of desire around my body.

I keep wanting more.

Desire is a wonderful thing. It makes us work like never before. We sweat and strain to fulfill our whims. It is our drive. Our engine.

Help Me.
- Randhir

I smell Integrity

2008-05-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

It simmers and stirs aways
slowly frothing away to the silent sounds of the night
It gargles and boils
until it can no more..

It rises to the surface and remains there bubbling on the edge just for a minute
just before...
before it throws itself violently out
gushing everywhere like an prehistoric geyser....

"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity" - Samuel Johnson

When I close my eyes I feel every cell in my body reverberating to an ancient hum.
I feel the drums beat on my back as I bow my head down to listen in more intently
my eyes closed
my breathing shallow
my skin warm
my mind still...

the hum
the hum.....

"Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching"

I have always valued integrity. To me it is the most glorious of all virtues. Its that intensity of the eyebrows, the squint of the eyes as decisions are being computed. It is something that does no sway back and forth, rather it is more like a rock watching over the ocean. Centuries of water and blood constantly beating down, centuries of Earths shudders, yet they remain still.

"Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do"

Definition:
in·teg·ri·ty

n.

Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
The state of being unimpaired; soundness.
The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.

"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people"

In the past few years my integrity has been defeated. That Armour my forefathers passed onto
me is dissolving in this tide. The arch in my eyebrows has disappeared. That feeling. That righteousness has faded. I hope to earn it back.

my soul goes out to you.

I hear the hum...
I feel the beat...

I sit here murmuring, my head bowed, my soul still

I wait...
....

- your Brother
- your Son
- your Friend
- your love

- Randhir

Lighting Never Strikes Twice ?

2008-04-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

I have this deep headache resonating somewhere in the middle of my brain. Its been hanging around for the past few days. Maybe its the excessive mobile phone use or perhaps the shock of reality hitting me, I'm not sure.

I feel like listening to East European Music and flying around in a milk crate. I know its random but eh ? who cares. A bit of Randomness in my world will do it some good.

The Spirit of Time

2008-03-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

Generations have come and gone.
Generations will come and go.

But that once question "the end of time" still remains.
When that hollow resonance echo's through out the earth we knew.

When that deep freeze hits, when time stands still. When the last of the humans remain.
Cities will fall, great cities will fall.

Humans will be but a memory. even that will fade.

Humans come and go.
Cities come and go.
Superpowers come and go.
Nations come and go.
Civilizations come and go.
Ages come and go.
Worlds come and go.
Galaxies come and go.
Universes come and go.

Space and Time continue to flow.

I see no sunlight.
I taste no rain.
I smell no rainbow's.
I hear the crunch of ice.
I touch no woman.
nor do I feel the breeze

I paint a grim picture.

- Randhir

Coffee and Patience: An Insight (5/09/05)

2008-03-03T04:34:00.000-08:00

Well I hope you have you thinking music on, if not put it ON as it will set the mood or the “suave” as they commonly refer to it.

Good the mood is set.

I was sitting in the port city of Fremantle the other day near the harbour having coffee as my eccentric self usually does. I took a sip of my coffee and man it was HOT, almost burnt my tongue. I looked across at my friend and he smirked at my folly, then he scampered off to the toilet.

I gazed up at the sky and saw some dark clouds beginning to form just over the port where the ships anchor themselves. There was a slight chill in the air and I could feel the ambience of a cold night ahead, the whether was turning. As I brought my eye down I peered across the road and saw a young lad walking, he was a teenager walking home from school. He was quite overweight and large, and as he walked he was scraping his feet across the ground rather harshly on the smooth cobble stones. His hair was falling over his face swaying side to side. Stains of food were distinctively fresh on his crumpled white school shirt. As he walked he looked downwards as if to resemble a large sad Ogre walking home from a rough day at work.

Immediately I began to think of what he would have gone through at school the teasing, name calling perhaps even a few fist fights here and there. The cruel nature of some children still shocks me. From the day we’re born we try to fit into our surrounding environment by doing whatever it takes….. Fashion, accessorising, form manipulation etc…whatever it takes. Through this we gain nothing, we only loose our self-confidence with each wave of “style change” and that’s what this kid walking across the street was going through. I felt his vibe and his depression from across the road. My uncanny mind wanted me to get up and walk up to him and grabbing my trusty umbrella shoving it and poking it under his fat chin and saying in a harsh coarse voice “Chin up son, you’re a soldier…..FIGHT ”

But then it hit me like a cold hard slap on the face…………..all he needed was time. It reminded me of my experiences in catholic school. I wanted everything so quickly and I’d go through pain and anguish to get it.

In the day and age we live in today things are so quick…. fast cars, faster communications, faster relationships…etc. we want to obtain things so quickly we want to forget the sheer joy of Patience and time required to get these things. By “things” I don’t necessarily mean material things…I mean self-confidence. That boy across the street just needs time to grow into his own skin and walk tall, strong and proud of whatever he believes in.

The way I see it is that things take time (It took me time to blossom….lol). We just have to have the patience to wait for these things. Things take time. And time is one thing we can count on, it will never let you down, trust it, it will keep going like a 20,000 tonne Iron Ore train spiralling upwards on Mt. Augusta . It’s not going to wait for you, jump on it and be patient, hold on and hold tight, the journey will be rough and exceedingly treacherous terrain will be encountered but in the end you’ll get what you need, I promise you.

You cannot run faster than this “train”, but you can try and fail miserably. A person can run, their arms moving frantically by his/her side the torso turning left to right. The thighs swelled up with blood and legs pushing forward with every stride. The heart pumping blood through your veins to every corner of your body, with every throbbing pulse you feel the wave of sweltering hot blood flow through your body. You could be running so hard that tears form in your eyes and flow towards you ears and as the cool air wisps past them you feel the saltwater dry on your skin. And you will still not be able to go faster than time. It’s just better to ride it with ease, what a wonderful thing.

“How you going, mate? The weathers a bit strange, aye?” my friend beamed as he came back from the toilet. “Oh yeh for sure, it’s strange alright” I grinned back. I picked up my coffee and took a sip and felt it flow down like smooth velvet, warming up my back. Funny thing was that the coffee had turned “warm” the wonders of Time and Patience.

- Randhir ( in waiting)

HOPE

2008-02-19T04:54:00.001-08:00

Hope.

It is the acorn in the ground.
It is the clouds in the sky.
It is a child in a mothers arms
It is the smell of the morning
It is the touch of an angel

Barack Obama Made a speech the other day in Wisconsin. I'm don't really care for the political riff raff, but his explanation was brilliant.

"hope is not blind optimism, hope is not ignoring the challenges standing on your way"

We all "hope" for better days. We listen our our ipods in trains and buses while commuting to work or school hoping for a bigger life. It is what drives us. Without hope we would be lifeless.
It gives us faith in what lies ahead, of tales to be told, experiences to be had.

Personally, I hope for a bigger life, I'm enjoying the one I'm living now but I want something more. Something with essence and value.

Heres to hope:

- Randhir (Hoping with the other 6 billion people on the planet)

The World

2008-02-03T05:59:00.000-08:00

It is an amazing place. It only takes a pair of eyes and a open soul to see the world for what it is. The creation that has manifested in the thoughts of our minds is alive and kickin' ladies and gentlemen.

I have lost my mind.

The world is made of a ancient intricately laid out web that twists and turns at any moments notice. Its forged in the very hands of God. An ant carries a twig in the amazon forest and I feel his strain on my shoulders, A butterfly flaps its wings in Seoul and Indonesia sees a cyclone. The connections of this world are so vast unlike the 1 wire that connects my ipod to this computer.

I have lost my mind.

Lately I have begun to feel the vibrations of the earth or perhaps its the Vitamin B12 deficiency I have I'm not sure. Can't wait for the Ironman movie to come out. He represents everything I strive for or strived for.

I have lost my mind.

We all look through our own windows. and they are all dirty windows.

- Nite nite
( I reorganize myself and my minions tomorrow)

The Wild Horse

2008-01-12T22:34:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to tame it, I can't even seem to grab it with my noose. The more I try the more I fall onto the dust on my hands and knees, my shoulders aching from the strain. What did I do to deserve this ? why is it my burden to bear this life ? I should be all "proactive" as acclaimed in the book 7 habits of highly successful people (will discuss later) but at this moment I just want to let go. I want to leave my lasso hanging on the paddock fence and walk aways towards the green mountains where I can feel the breeze hit my face, kiss the wetness and hug the slopes.

This life I cannot tame, I cannot seem to be able to rein it in like a good horseman, like my ancestors could. The more I try the more it hurts, like a coat hanger through my heart, the more I struggle the more it hooks in. For now or perhaps this weekend I have left the steering wheel and let it drive by itself, while I rest in the backseat.

There is so much I want, that I need but at this point I can't seem to manifest it no matter which god I speak to or which shaman tradition I follow. I don't want to let go, because if I do I'll end up like the 6 billion other people on this planet.

God help us all.